bones

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1
“Do we build houses with cards that eventually fall to say that we tried? Why me, or why not me?” It was something I read- handwritten on a bottle of Carlo Rossi one night and I lifted a smile and gaily said cheers to the freedom from entitlement I felt at that moment. I had nothing to gain, or lose or give and so I made believe this was really, really, really what I wanted. Until it really was what I wanted.

but, what I really wanted was…

2
No one calls past midnight and my phone has been busted for over two months…I know that I am not always a very good friend I know I can be better and I know I will be.

When you drove off I thought I would see you later.

3
Later I found the heaviest weights only gets heavier by not apologizing for what I should of and instead apologizing for getting bumped into, or for loving someone too long, or for needing alone time to think about what I should really be fu ckin g sorry about.

4
For a long time I sat on the edge of a thirty-seven floor future and holding good old stories out the window letting them fall as I realized they really were only older now.
Not necessarily afraid but comfortable with nothing left to loose. The only thing I had was mine and mine alone and they were my junkyard-rust-heavy-memories.
I thought of how cruel my mother seemed for raising me with faith and how innocent she was…I thought eventually how in a way she way right and I thought,
“thank God that’s over.”
Only I didn’t capitalize the “G” in the word God because it’s mostly vague from where I stand. Sometime soon, I got up and found shadows to smile in. I smiled and smiled.

I thought about how life is really mush simpler than we make it out to be, and then I found you. Or you me? I don’t really know since we were drinking.

5
You were miles away before and I forgot how to sleep so I watched your rib cage, hold your lungs and watched your lungs boast and then cower. I watched you for hours until I couldn’t take it much longer and I woke you, I woke you and asked if you knew,
“how many bones are in our bodies” and then I said
“well, but really, “I love you.”
(Ignore the questions about the bones; I only wanted to tell you the second part)

6

I have never been so gentle, so careful. Last night I dreamt of many pairs of socks that I never got around to trying on. When I woke up I noticed you had put a straw in my spine and you were drunk. So I showed you where there was a suture. I told you to open it up, pull it out and you’ll see it is still beating.

I didn’t mean to startle you,
only meant to thank you.

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